What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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