This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
