it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
