smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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