I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
