tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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