You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
