Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
