i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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