my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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