My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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