I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
