Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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