I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
