My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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