Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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