I didn't shave. On purpose
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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