First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
