Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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