Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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