I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
