I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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