He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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