Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
