I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
