I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
