oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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