ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
