That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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