are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
