Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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