I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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