I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
