I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
