Whatcha textin bout Willis?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
