Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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