guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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