Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
