So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
