ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
