dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
