am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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