What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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