well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
