youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
