Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
