Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
