Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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