Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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