I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
