I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
