That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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