apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
