oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
