You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
