if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
