I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
