i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
