If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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