Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
