if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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