Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
