I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
