Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
