Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
