So gin and wine won't be happening again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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